After deciding that last night would have kept me up too late to be effective at the IM tournament this morning, I passed on the chance for a doubleheader on Talk Like a Pirate Day, in exchange for the game tonight. I was not disappointed.

When people have pointed out that PNC is the best stadium (ESPN for one), they're always looking at the big things, but the little things about the whole PNC experience are what make it for me.
First of all, I managed to pick up a disturbingly psychotic looking Kip Wells bobblehead (the giveaway), the eyes kind of look like they're about to scan you to make your head explode.
Next, the simple majesty of meat gun technology. I would guess as a dare, the Pirate Parrot decided to see how much range he could get using the meat gun. The final hot dog launched in the third inning actually cleared the stadium, going over the stands on the first base side.
The apex of the silliness, as usual came from the pierogie races. There were two fundamental points of weirdness, first, during the animated run-up to the pierogies entering the stadium, we discovered that Potato Pete (Most pierogies apparently are identified by surname, or filling, first, important to know I guess), previously believed to have been carried off to his death by a demented chef (stylistically reminiscent of the ending of Don Giovanni), was actually now living near the new mall in Robinson Township. (Keep in mind how screwed up that sentence is, because it was only the second-most-disturbing moment of that inning break.) After the pierogies entered the stadium, Cheese Chester, with a massive lead, was greeted by the Pirate Parrot, who proceeded to hit him across the midsection with a steel chair. Folks, I was witness to an ACTUAL, HONEST-TO-GOD, MASCOT HEEL TURN... WITH STEEL CHAIR. This led to the following sequence of words coming through the PA system, which took me completely under. "Your winner, Oliver Onion**....Leading off for the Cubs, First baseman Randall Simon."
Finally, I think that the folks who run the scoreboard and PA are doing things in the final days purely to amuse themselves, or perhaps because they hope one person will notice***. I note this because of the following sequence. During the 8-9th inning break, they started playing Diana Ross's "Upside Down", and flipped the image on the main screen. They then continued this into the first at-bat of the 9th. I speculate that they must have been waiting for this moment to do this trick. Why? Because the first batter of the inning was pinch hitter Hee Seop Choi. I think they set this all up, just so they could leave the screen flipped, and show everyone, that when you flip it upside down, CHOI reads as CHOI.


** Yes, I noticed that Oliver Onion does not follow the naming convention of the other pierogies. I theorize that because Oliver came later into the pierogie races (he replaced Potato Pete), that he may in fact be a second-generation pierogie in our country, and is thus more assimilated into American culture.
*** Note that my job description could be summarized as "professional noticer of things."