In which our protagonist braves the tortures of the Moonlighting FAQ

We'll get to the title in a moment, but... Of all the deceptively difficult concepts of physics, the concept of volume just amazes me sometime. I'm sitting here looking at one of my gifts, five airplane bottles of various liqueurs (for dessert manufacturing purposes.) There's simply no way all of these things can all be 50 milliliters. It's not a glass vs plastic thing, I just simply can't wrap my mind around this. The amaretto bottle is just frickin' huge. Next time you buy alcohol, look, and you'll agree; these things can't all be the same size.

Okay, the Star Search ads are annoying me at this point. They're advertising that the original was the place where Ray Romano, Sinbad, and Britney Spears got their start. The parallels between this and North Korea telling us "We have plutonium, so pay attention to us!" are eerie. Also, Arsenio Hall does not look happy to be doing this. Someone please check if he's blinking Morse code: "Am being held against my will. Sammo, bust me out."

The clone baby's parents are apparently not sure if they want to give the kid DNA testing. This basically makes it look EXTRA scammy. I'm personally hoping it's not actually their kid, but the clone of the doctor who impregnated 40-some women with his own sperm. I'd pay good money for irony of that quality.

Does anyone really like Beasley Reece? Matt's accounting for various NFL announcing pairs noted that many Patriots fans have a longstanding hatred of Beasley, and he has a long streak of being alternately incorrect and incoherent on Steelers vs Ohio telecasts. But while hunting around I discovered that he's hated by Browns fans, Colts fans, professional media types, even XFL fans. I was actually starting to feel sorry. It couldn't be that universal. But if his day job is in Philadelphia, maybe he's used to people screaming at his idiocy. Then I saw this on the Moonlighting FAQ, while doing a google for "Beasley.Reece hate" This bit just made my head swivel:
"8.3 What is known about Allyce Beasley?

Allyce's real name is Allyce Tannenberg, but she changed it to Allyce Beasley because an old boy friend thought football player Beasley Reece was tops...."

Well, there's one at least.

If you need me, I'll be blinking secret messages, and smashing myself over the head with the deceptively voluminous bottle of amaretto.