Let's just call this "I know there's a tossup in this somewhere", as that's usually what I title messages with articles like these in them.
None of these really have any chance of being turned into a question by yours truly, so figure some way of using them yourself.

1 Yeah, but can you really write that as the answer?
2 Cause of injury: That '70's Chow.
3 Bad news death fish.
4 Nothing to add here.
5 Again, can you really write that as the answer without causing four people to have a hissyfit?
6 Good to see Starbucks "Phase Two" going forward.
7 Which G8 leader would you like to see fight the bear?