I'm going to thieve from Craig's page with this, but since it managed to combine so many things so perfectly. I am actually shocked, shocked I tell you, to find gambling going on in this establishment. Not that it really surprises me, when I think about it. It's pretty much the only restaurant in that area of Washington (ironically, next to the county courthouse), and it is the kind of thing that bars in the area do, since the state went hard after video poker in the 80s and 90s, and after the numbers rackets in the 60's and 70's. Obviously, given those trends, that means that sports betting will be available from the state around 2015. (After the numbers were shut down, state releases Daily Number, after the video poker crackdown, we're getting racetrack slots.)

Speaking of racetrack slots, I did my part to corrupt the youth of Ath..er..Washington. We did the Adios again this year. (My uncle's dealership does a promotional car giveaway for it, and dinner's free for us as a result.) As part of the festivities, we got three generations of the family on Fox Sports Pittsburgh, as cousin Austin made his TV debut (I was not on air, so don't mine your TiVo.) Austin also made his mark by drooling on my copy of the program. Lacking a better method, I took his advice and we dropped $2 on the horse upon whose entry he dripped. Given this was the only hit of the day for me (and it was a 38-1 hit) we'll take it.

Just go read Carey's bit on Arnold. I simply lost it on the second list.

Pop Culture Junk Mail points out that it's really easy to get a mondegreen out of Blitzkrieg Bop. I've attempted, on occasion to prove the opposite, that basically any lyric you want can be fit into the structure of Blitzkrieg Bop without compromising the song at all. It doesn't even have to make logical sense, just make sure the lines rhyme and jam the words in.

The example I always use for this is:
"Vaccinate a yeti,
Staple-ing a kitty,
PETA doesn't like me,
Blitzkrieg Bop."

(Open line again, fit the most random junk possible into Blitzkrieg Bop.)

This seemed like a good lead for what was a mother of all mondegreens for me. I had picked up a used CD of Dire Straits Brothers in Arms a week ago, and finally heard "Your Latest Trick" done outside of the live version. Suffice it to say, I really didn't have the lyrics down at all. Admittedly it's not the most coherent song, but somehow, what I thought was being said makes even less sense, but only upon reflection. To wit:

Not the Lyrics to Your Latest Trick


All the late night bottles have been struck
Between the Sitting Bulls and their beds
Prehistoric garbage trucks
have the city to themelves
They're calling out all dinosaurs
They're all doing the monster mash
Taxis down the hall
Are only taking calls for cash.

[Chorus is clear enough I know what's going on.]

Now my door is standing open
Security has laid back at last
It was only my heart you got open
must have had a passkey made out of glass
and there were rubbery insoles
and I played the blues (12 bars) down the Lover's lane
Never had the intelligence to use
twelve keys hanging off of my chain

Now it's past last call for alcohol
Last streetcar's been here and gone.
Landlord finally paid us off
Sitting jazz makin' anything at all
And we're standing outside of this one bar
Abusing a brick
Seems I finally come to understand,
Bottle's empty, man, there's nothing left.


I'm pretty sure some interesting psychological profiling can come out of this. Like how the heck I thought "rubbery insoles" actually fit in a song. And as for "abusing a brick"... I really don't know, and I really don't want to know.