Death to Betty Crocker...

I'm tantalizingly close to being done with holiday shopping, and now wondering whether I need to do certain small things to cover up some holes in the purchasing. Having done the office internal audit on the purchasing department this week, I'm also wondering if some of my shopping could be accomplished on the office's dime. Probably not, but it just looked like a hole to be exploited.

My amazing levels of cheapness may now know no bounds, after pulling off a trip to Heinz Field without spending a dime downtown. (Last minute use of the tickets that would go dead, and Pittsburgh's insistence that parking be free during the holiday season, to boost shopping downtown. The fact I didn't spend a dime downtown kinda pokes a big hole in that.)

The main moment of the game I'll remember will probably be Nick Goings dropping a pass. Actually, not even dropping the pass, more like looking at the pass with disdain and choosing not to even effort catching, while it hit him in the arms. For that we dub him Bartleby the Third Down Back.

Joe gave me props for winning this weeks fantasy football matchup, but really it was all Daunte and Marvin. There will be no lording over, especially after I witnessed one of the most disturbing bits of fantasy football. While at the bar watching the late games, I had to take leave to the rest room. About a minute after I got there, I saw a guy run in, and begin banging on the doors of the stalls. Finally, after a guy whose voice he recognized called out for him to stop, the guy screamed over "Dude, your Cowboys' defense are killing me." I'm pretty sure harassing people on the john is cause for an intervention.

Monday night was the traditional decorating of sugar cookies. This is the one paramount family tradition. Cookies must be sugared, and not just a single color coating. No, these get filled out so that a tree looks a tree. Complete with lights, star, and trunk. Thus it is written, thus it must be. And so, it still falls to me, since the next likely candidate to do it is all of 4 weeks old. Tradition also dictates that we leave about 30% unsugared, so that we can ice them. Herein lies the above fatwa.
From the time I was first able to do this until the time I was 12 we had cans of Pillsbury Decorator Icing. It came in a nice pressurized can about the size of a pump bottle of hairspray, came in the four key colors (red, green, yellow, and blue), and when we were done, it was hard enough to withstand being stacked up in a big can. Pillsbury apparently discontinued the stuff in the mid-80's, and since then we've tried everything that's come out, and nothing, save mixing some specialty cake frosting, has managed to be of structural grade. This year, we found a 3-can set of Betty Crocker decorator icing. We thought we had it made. It even had the key sign of quality, the fact that the first icing out of the pressurized can comes out like an invert sugar bullet, with a stopping power recommended by the NRA. Sadly, after about one quarter of the cookies were iced, we noticed the small print on the cans, "Not stackable." Bite me, Betty Crocker. On to the hate list you go with Delta Airlines.