Sunday, June 01, 2008

It's entirely possible the years of Pirate baseball have damaged my ability to watch other forms of baseball. I got to watch nine innings of purely ordinary incompetence, this weekend, a 12-8 game where the starter managed to go five innings, giving up 7 runs on four hits, four walks, 2 hit batsmen, a passed ball, and a balk. The home team falls behind on a grand slam only to gut it out to pull ahead and win. To top the excitement off, the mascot dance-off was punctuated with a marriage proposal.

And with all of this action in a 12-8 game, I nearly fell asleep. Apparently I now need the incredible craziness of Pirate inexplicability to really enjoy it. "Yes this sucks, but that guy might beanball his third baseman at any moment."


In other news, I would like to note that television has finally caught up with the notion of "I'll Eat That," my theater of cruelty gameshow. And I think that by adding the notion of gyroscopic exercise equipment, they may have actually surpassed it with Hurl. Not that I really want to watch it, but I know exactly the people that will. And with this, we move one step closer to Running Man.

5 comments:

Phil said...

Victoria and I came up with a game show fusion of Fear Factor and Name That Tune called Eat That Thing:

"I'll eat that thing for $1,000"

"I'll eat that thing for $500"

"I'll eat it for $100"

"I'll eat it for $50"

"Eat...that...thing."

Bill said...

I didn't realize we were still a whole step away from the Running Man.

Brian said...

Dwight,

Given that it's Father Day tomorrow, could you please post a copy of the letter that your father sent to all of his family members, friends, and associates repudiating your previous association with a now defunct organization that condoned racism and sexism?

Brian said...

Dwight,

Please also post the statement NAQT issued last year apologizing for its ethical and intellectual mediocrity and refunding all money ever paid by high school teams before ceasing operations. After all, if NAQT hadn't done this, then your summer trip with Barker and Burger would have been the equivalent of a Klan ride across the U.S., given the subsequent public defense of white supremacy and the manipulation and violation of young girls by a member of that former organization. Also, please post a copy of the financial support where you gave the local chapter of the NAACP an amount equal to all compensation that you received from any employer during your affiliation with NAQT as well as a copy of the letter that you wrote to your local department of child protective services stating that you have a history of child predation and that any contact that you would subsequently have with minors would constitute deliberate child endangerment on your part.

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