Quite simply this is the best story I've ever seen on local news. No comedy writer could script this. The levels of "seriously, WTF?" in this is tremendous. Best subtext point for me is "wait, the woman was going to use this? Wouldn't that be even more suspicious?"

I think this would explain why you do ask for the Original Whizzinator by name.

I'd just like to demonstrate my sympathy for the microwave in this case. It was just doing its job.